Fighting Dystonia, Chronic Lyme Disease & EDS Type 3… any questions?

Posts tagged ‘upset’

Here we go again

I don’t even know where to begin. My head is all over the place and honestly I feel more than a little bit miffed with my body. Here we are at the start of another year and I’m already waiting tests results for yet another diagnosis. Yup you read that right ANOTHER diagnosis, not an alternative or differential diagnosis but another brand spanking in all its inconvenient glory. In 4 to 8 weeks I’ll have my answer and until then I am meant to carry on as normal.

Usually that’s doable but right now I feel pretty defeated. I know this feeling will pass and that I will cope just like I always do however what I am currently experiencing is consuming, depressing and suffocating.

So here we go again. Distraction techniques in full swing and disney soundtrack blasting.

Advertisements

Disappointed & Disheartened

Yesterday I had my appointment up in London with my neurologist. I had been really looking forward to this appointment, as I wanted his opinion on a couple of things. Firstly on my new leg spasm and if there was any treatments he could suggest that could help it. I am taking 45mg/ml of Baclofen a day for it and whilst this is controlling it, it impacts my cognitive ability greatly. I am able to hold a conversation but anything that requires me to start actually using my brain and answering questions is too much and I am unable to do so, I end up relying on my mum or whoever is with me at the time to do so for me.The second thing I wanted his opinion on was on a type of splint that my physios are arranging for me to try called Second Skin. It’s a lycra based splint that provides  feedback to the brain, and it seems to work either really well or not at all.

For my leg he had no idea what to do other than keeping me on the Baclofen.  He is referring me for more intensive physiotherapy to see if that will help but other than that he was lost for ideas. So I guess all we can do is hope that these new splints when I try them work, because otherwise I do not know what to do. In regards to the splints he did not say too much, he said they could do no harm which is always good to know and that they may help but didn’t say much more on the subject.

The main reason I had been looking forward to yesterday’s appointment is that in a letter I had received from my neurologist the other week he had stated in it that he hoped to have an answer for me about my IV treatment for Neurological Lyme Disease by the time he next saw me. I took this as a positive statement when I read it as recently in conversations with my doctors it had all been looking like it could go ahead if someone could be found to oversee it. Sadly this is not this the case. The hospital that originally said this can be set up if you find a neurologist to oversee it, is now saying they want more evidence that I have Lyme. By evidence they mean a positive Lumbar Puncture result.

My neurologist has said that he can arrange for me to have a Lumbar Puncture very quickly and it is up to me whether or not I agree to go through with it. He is not very happy for me to have one done as it puts me at risk of developing new symptoms or my current symptoms getting worse. There is also the problem that I cannot actually guarantee I can stay still due to body spasms so for them to realistically be able to do the Lumbar Puncture I would have to be under a General Anesthetic. The tests for Lyme Disease are also extremely unreliable giving false positives and negatives, and with a years worth of oral antibiotics in my system its more likely to come back negative.

I started taking oral antibiotics for Neurological Lyme Disease this time last year, and we have battled for the correct treatment which is IV antibiotics for the last year. For a whole year I have been put under the impression that I would get IV it would just be a bit difficult to set up. Now I am extremely upset. All I have done since I left the hospital yesterday is cry on and off. The IV would not cure my Dystonia but it would cure my Lyme, and who knows how much of my body is that! I had all my hopes pinned on this!! I am terrified that now when they take me off my oral antibiotics, which I know will happen soon, that my symptoms like my hand spasms, that improved may come back. I could not cope with that!

My plan today is to phone a local private hospital that I know treat Lyme Disease and see if they will consider treating me without the Lumbar Puncture. If they won’t then I will have the Lumbar Puncture done as I would rather risk it and hopefully get treated then spend my whole life wondering what if I had done it.

I am feeling very lost, and sad right now and I know things can only get better. It’s just hard after spending a whole year having all my hopes pinned on this treatment to have it snatched away. On a positive note I did get my injections done, and he was so lovely and apologetic. I am lucky that I have him. I  just have to struggle on.struggle

 

The count down to February!

Today I have been  rather down. Which I suppose is to be expected. Most days I cope pretty well, but today I have felt so angry and upset. In February I am meant to be returning to Uni. Each day, February gets nearer and I get more and more upset and scared. When I left uni only my jaw was affected, and now I often go blind, I’m  in a wheelchair and one arm doesn’t work.

Every day I try to push my body more and more, in an attempt to re-train my brain. I can’t imagine not going back to uni. The thought of not going back reduces me to tears every time, because I absolutely loved my course and cannot imagine doing anything else  with my life.

At the moment my options are to somehow manage to re-train my brain in the little time I have left, or give up and tell my  uni just how ill I am. I have to go with the first option, but there’s a little voice in the back of my head, that I am desperately trying to ignore, which is telling me the second option may end up happening.

I have had enough of this condition, I want to go back to my lectures, my community visits and my night shifts on the labour ward. The buzz of uni life. I want my old life back!!! I have until February to get better. I’m determined to it. It’s just working how to do it that’s the hard part.

 

Tag Cloud