September 2011 I started at Anglia Ruskin University in Chelmsford on a Midwifery degree. It was the most amazing experience of my life. July 24th 2012 I developed Oromandibular Dystonia and was put on intermission for a year. Today I was withdrawn from university on debilitating health grounds. You have no idea how much I wish to pull my little Dystonia alien out and scream at him.
My university was extremely kind about it all and I hope that in a few years time if I am well enough that I can reapply to do my Midwifery degree. In the meantime I plan on doing a Level 3 in Anatomy and physiology, and once I’ve finished that I will see where I go from there. I have known for a few weeks that this conversation with my uni would have to happen, and have dreaded it. I had hoped that as I knew it would happen that it would not be too bad however the reality is that I am extremely upset and want to scream at the doctors until they invent a cure.
I struggle to understand how it is ok for Dystonia to upturn, stomp all over and turn inside out our lives. I struggle to comprehend why sufferers then have to fight for treatment and care. I struggle to accept the reality I’m living. I won’t ever accept it, because none of this is ok. I know one day a cure will be found and I hope it shall be in this lifetime so that I can reapply for uni.
On a brighter note my body is not too bad today which is nice and a DVD called The Host which I have excitedly been waiting for has arrived – It is a fantastic book and an amazing film. I plan on doing nothing for the rest of the day other the watch The Host again (even though I only finished watching it ten mins ago), and then I am going to indulge myself in a bit of 50 shades freed as it’s an easy read.
Tomorrow will seem brighter, and I will get there eventually, one way or another.
I saw this photo/quote, and felt like I should share it with you all.
I, personally, find its words to ring true. As much as we wish life was perfect, nobody’s life is. Everyone has their own struggles in life, be it financial, domestic, illness, loss etc. At some point in life we will ask ourselves, why me?! Why am I having to go through this, I can’t deal with it! If you have not asked yourself this yet, then I am sorry to inform you that eventually you will. However when it comes to that point in time, when you are asking why me? That is when you must remember that if you were not strong enough to deal with it, then you would not be going through it. The experience may make you feel like it will never get better, and that is the moment you must remember that it will get better and that whatever you have had to struggle through, will make you a better and even stronger person at the end of it.
I have asked myself, why me, so many times recently. The question normally arises when I am going through a particularly bad spasm or am in a lot of pain. However, each time the pain stops and I relax, I can think more clearly, and I know that I would much rather go through this than see a member of my family, or anyone else go through it. I know that I am strong enough to deal with it and that’s why it is me who has Dystonia.
It is up to us to make the best out of a bad situation. For me, I have decided that instead of curling up in a ball and letting myself become a ‘sufferer’, I shall instead be an advocate for the condition. I shall try my best to make a difference! You never know, I might!
So if you ever are thinking, Why me?! Remember the above quote and know that if you were not strong enough for this life, you would not have been given it!
Today I have woken up and found myself to be in a great mood, with a huge grin spread across my face! The reason for this is that over the last few weeks I have slowly accomplished more and more. I am feeling pretty proud of myself! When my Dystonia started affecting more of my body, I found myself focusing on all the things I wouldn’t be able to do/ would struggle to do. Yet now as I look back over the last few months, I find that I have managed to do so much more than I ever thought I would be able to.
Though some of these accomplishments may seem small, such as learning to write with my left hand, for me these are huge steps forwards, that fill me with hope. I can now fill out forms with my left hand, I can go out in public and not worry about what people think of me and I can go shopping and try on clothes!!! All these little things reassure me that I can lead a normal life and enjoy it, despite my dystonia. At the end of the day, my dystonia is part of me, but it does not define me. It is my choices and actions that do.