I haven’t blogged in a while. When I am asked why my automatic answer is because I have had a lot on my plate with studying for my upcoming exams. However I have this nagging voice in the back of my head that’s pushing me to admit that there is more to it than exam stress. The combination of Dystonia and Complex Regional Pain Syndrome is hard to cope with. Emotionally getting my head around it has been hard. Whilst the CRPS is not as bad as when I had it in 2009, it is still able to cause enough pain to cause seizures.
I went out with a close friend to the cinema today to see The Duff ( a fantastic romantic comedy). It was the perfect medicine in more than one way. It had me laughing and finally relaxing in my own skin and switching off to the constant pain. The film enforced the message that you should accept, be happy and own yourself; that you should not change for anyone. This helped me to really wake up and realise that I had been thinking of myself as a condition not as a person and hiding away. We have no idea what way any of my conditions will go. I might deteriorate over the years, I may improve, or I continue to be on this rocking seesaw. Not knowing is ok, I have now accepted that. However I have to stop letting that hold me back from living life. For far too long now I have thought to myself I shall do that when I am a bit better. We have no idea if or when that will happen. That’s ok, I don’t mind, as long as I keep living. So it’s time to make a change and accept that I’m ill, but life goes on.
On a side note we have started planning our May tea party to raise money for The Dystonia Society. So keep a look out for updates!