Two of the most common questions people ask each and every day are how and why. Why do people get ill? How do we know that colour is actually green? Why is it always me? How does this work? Sometime we are not seeking an answer when we ask these question and the question has been asked in rhetorical way e.g why me. However the majority of the time we are seeking an answer. As humans, like the majority of animals, our own nature makes us inquisitive, we like to know the ins and outs of everything and anything, but if you put us in a situation when we cannot find an answer, well then we become fixated.
Which is exactly what is happening to me now. I am completely fixated on what caused my Dystonia, what turned my whole world upside down gave it a good shake and then righted it with all the pieces jumbled up! The logical side of me knows that the chances of me finding out why is extremely small, yet still I try to work it out. I sift through pages and pages of information grasping at any small shred that could contain the answer I’ve been looking for.
No matter how often I tell myself that an answer is not going to make much of a difference, I still continue my search. I am almost amused at myself for how desperate I am for an answer. For even when I find the answer, other than it giving me some piece of mind, it is not going to change much. However until the doctors agree to help me, I know that I shall keep looking, so that if the day comes when there is no answer, I can sit back and think well at least I tried.
For now though I am going to try to reign in my inquisitive self, and remind myself to spend less time looking for something I may never find and more time enjoying the wonders around me.