Today I have been rather down. Which I suppose is to be expected. Most days I cope pretty well, but today I have felt so angry and upset. In February I am meant to be returning to Uni. Each day, February gets nearer and I get more and more upset and scared. When I left uni only my jaw was affected, and now I often go blind, I’m in a wheelchair and one arm doesn’t work.
Every day I try to push my body more and more, in an attempt to re-train my brain. I can’t imagine not going back to uni. The thought of not going back reduces me to tears every time, because I absolutely loved my course and cannot imagine doing anything else with my life.
At the moment my options are to somehow manage to re-train my brain in the little time I have left, or give up and tell my uni just how ill I am. I have to go with the first option, but there’s a little voice in the back of my head, that I am desperately trying to ignore, which is telling me the second option may end up happening.
I have had enough of this condition, I want to go back to my lectures, my community visits and my night shifts on the labour ward. The buzz of uni life. I want my old life back!!! I have until February to get better. I’m determined to it. It’s just working how to do it that’s the hard part.